When I'm My Brother's Keeper: One Life in the Hands of Another

My oldest son is about to deploy to war. I asked him the other night if he was getting worried. He replied that all soldiers get worried. I tried to give him some encouragement, something moms always feel they need to do. I gave him some words of hope, not to be afraid, trusting that our time is in God's hands, that we live one day at a time, and do our best. Then his words struck me and I could see in his eyes the heaviness as he spoke of the lives of others that would be in his hands. That is a heavy thought.
I can still see the look in his eyes. The next time we spoke about his deployment, I wanted to give him a few more encouraging words. For one thing, how proud I am of him. He is a thoughtful young man, serious minded, honest, hard working, and cares about others. I told him that he is someone I would trust with my own life, and feel confident in his leadership.
I started to think about being responsible for someone else, even to the point of being responsible for life itself. This is a big reality for a soldier heading to war. In the professional world I think of doctors, emergency workers like firefighters and police, those who deal often with life and death situations. Then I thought we are really all in this place, and should be mindful of our reponsibility towards others. How we live could bring us face to face with life and death.
I am a parent. The moment I learned I was to become a parent, that thought and reality of bringing life into the world made me more conscious of the responsibility I had for the very life of my child. While I believed my children were in God's hands, I still felt the burden of responsibility for them. I am a steward in God's world. I am responsible for the way I treat others, as well as how I treat the world around me. Why? Because what I do impacts more than me. In a sense, I am my brother's keeper. We all are. Maybe we forget now and then. Maybe until something big confronts us, we don't think much about it. We are all to be responsible. And we need to support and encourage those who are faced with carrying larger burdens.
My son and others are going to feel what it is to hold a person's life in their hands. What happens if a life is lost? What happens when circumstances move outside of what a person can control? I pray he and those he is serving with will not face this kind of situation. I pray for the soldiers responsible for my son. I pray they will find peace and no harm will come to them. God bless and protect our soldiers. God bless America.

The Dignity of the Elderly

I am presently spending the month with my 92 year old grandmother and up until recently was the primary caregiver to my 92 year old mother in law. Up until the last couple of years ago both of these 2 matriarchs were proud to boast of their great health and the blessing of still having their minds in tact at their ages. Things change a lot for the elderly in a short time. My grandmother is still in excellent health and state of mind, although a little more frail, but this is no longer so in my mother in law's situation. Stroke has left her with dementia and the need for 24 hour care that is at a level that our family can no longer provide for her and has had to turn to a full time care provider.  This has been a difficult road. This has also been an important time of growing, learning, patience, faith and love. I've learned so much from them, and while the two are now worlds apart as far as their physical and mental capabilities, both of these amazing women have and will always have dignity that surpasses these capabilities. They deserve to be shown dignity because they live.
The saddest thing I hear from both my grandmother and my mother in law is when they say that they are living too long. Perhaps there is a loss of the pride of youth and independence when they begin to feel that it is a burden to have their children care for them. It is not easy to put aside our own independence and freedom to take care of another adult. It somehow is different than putting everything aside in caring for our children- then again is it really? To be honest, it seems natural to have a baby that needs everything from us. It's so rewarding to see a baby take steps ahead and begin to do things for himself. It's altogether different when an older person can do less and less. As caregivers we feel not a reward of seeing new milestones reached, but the desire to help them hang on to whatever is left and loss of it slipping away. They know that. They see us striving to help them. Sometimes they feel hopeless, and so do we. It's different from letting go of our older children when we find they no longer need us in the same way as when they were young. That's not hopeless, it's hopeful. We hope in the lives they will build for themselves. In the care of the elderly, we know the time draws closer that we will no longer have them. We love them so much, and watching them age feels something like a prolonged goodbye. Still, I don't want to say goodbye yet.
What can I give them and what do they give me. It starts with love. It's a feeling that maybe I can give back in part what they have given to me. I want to do anything I can for them. I want them to know I love them as unconditionally as they loved me. I am willing to sacrifice for them. That's what we do when we love. If I can say something cheerful to bring a simile to their face, and if I can communicate that their abilities or lack of abilities never take away from the love I have for them, perhaps it will bring a smile to their face, and make them feel secure and at peace. They need to feel loved and wanted just like all of us. Sometimes I need to be extra patient and more compassionate. Thank you grandma and mom, you needed to show me that. So often I have had to make that cup half full after discovering it's been half empty too long. I complain about their ailments and get selfish with my time, but what do I really have to complain about? I still like to listen to my grandma tell me about old times and watch her busy herself with her day to day activities. I try to change the mood when the grumbling attitude creeps in and we need to talk about more cheerful things. With my mother in law, I am so glad that I listened to all of those old stories she told me when she could, so now I can tell them to her and see joy in her face when she hears them again and again. Until the last breath they breathe, I hope they will feel a sense of peace that comes from being loved, and even if they don't remember me, the feeling will remain. That they will be treated with dignity, love and honor is all I can hope for them.