After a what seemed like a long lecture on pointing out to one of my dear children the value of restoring harmony and taking the humble road to accept that she may have been even slightly wrong, we arrived at church, still frazzled by what had earlier taken place. "Let's go inside." "No, I don't want to, I'm still mad." "It's ok, church is the place to be when you feel that way. Sometimes being in church fixes those bad feelings." Reluctantly we go inside. No one but God knows what has just taken place. A while later, she excuses herself to use the restroom, comes back, and slips her arm around my waist. No words, just a gesture. The words of the Cherubic Hymn are soothing as we "lay aside all worldly care, that we may receive the King of all."
After church we joined together for fellowship in our social hall, chatting with friends, and even getting into some interesting and thought provoking conversations, and then... a voice in the conversation brings back the memory of all that took place earlier in the morning with words that dealt with our topic of conversation- "the problem is that we are taught to be proud instead of grateful, and we don't learn humility" he said. So my next question was, "how do I teach this when the heart wants to be stubborn?"
Once home, a friend calls. The topic- family conflict. I realize to some extent all families face conflict in some for or another, and to varying degrees of severity. While some are able to move on, at other times there is what appears to be irreversible damage, unforgivingness and brokenness. I don't have words to heal the pain of others, but hope that God is bigger than any problem, and through humility and cooperation with Him, it is God who carries those problems over the tallest mountains and deepest valleys.
I wondered about what the Fathers of the early church would say, and turned to a small book, On Marriage and Family Life by St. John Chrysostom. I'm not going to quote anything because everyone should read this book for themselves, but will say the principles written in the 4th century are totally relevant to our family relationships today. So simple, and full of wisdom. Bearing conflict through love and nurture verses entitlement- loving the one who doesn't listen, or obey, because while we have an expectation of our spouse or child they are not slaves who are always going to agree. A couple is so joined as if they are the same flesh, and the child is the fruit of their union. How do we hold back in doing all we can to nurture that relationship? If there is conflict, there must be a desire for restoration and the harder we make our hearts, our pride will continue to divide. The Holy Trinity is in unity. All are given authority and equality while the Father is given the headship. It is perfect unity in full cooperation, and the model of our own lives and families. We are called to love in this way, and that takes real humility.
By afternoon, the morning's conflict was restored- by an act of humility- first by one who apologized (and I believe the most correct in addressing what was taking place) and then by the one who insisted on being right who took the time to think through that perhaps not everything was right on her part, and it was better to let go of her pride. This is humility. This is love.
